Spoilers for the second episode of HBO’s The Last of Us season 2 and the video game The Last of Us Part II follow.

Laura Bailey still hasn’t seen HBO’s version of that scene. Though the prolific voice actress originated the role of Abby Anderson — the character played by Kaitlyn Dever in the second season of HBO’s The Last of Us — she’s as curious as anyone to see how TV audiences react to the big twist that arrives in the first hours of the PlayStation 4 game, where Abby beats The Last of Us protagonist Joel to death with a golf club while Ellie looks on, sobbing.

Joel’s violent death plays out with very little warning in the video game, which withholds the motivation behind Abby’s rage until around the 12-hour mark. But the HBO drama makes it much clearer, from the very beginning, that Abby and her friends intend to find and murder Joel. For Bailey — who faced an overwhelming, toxic backlash from a contingent of reactionary gamers for her role The Last of Us Part II — adding scenes that brace the audience for Joel’s death is a wise choice. “I think that’s why HBO is doing what they’re doing. You’re prepared for it,” she says.

She knows firsthand the consequences of being at the center of such a jolting twist. “That was a very rough period of time,” she says. In the weeks following the original video game’s release, Bailey revealed she had been targeted by an overwhelming wave of attacks, including death threats against her newborn son. Is she worried Joel’s death in the HBO drama will stir things up again? “A little bit,” she says.

Nearly five years removed from the game’s release, Bailey reflects on The Last of Us Part II and everything that came after.

Did you speak with Kaitlyn Dever about playing Abby?

I didn’t. I don’t think [Ellie actresses Ashley Johnson and Bella Ramsey] really talked either. I know that they’re approaching it from their own angle, you know? I don’t think they want to be overwhelmed with choices that we made, which I totally understand. I’m very excited to see everything that she’s doing with it — because it is different, for sure.

How did you get cast as Abby?

[The Last of Us director Neil Druckmann] had talked to me about this character he’d written for The Last of Us Part II, and how he thought I would be good for it. It was the Abby character, but when I worked with him on Uncharted 4, I think that he was like, “Oh no, I can’t work with her again right away. I need to change it up.” So I originally read for Dina, I think. But when I went in and read for Abby, he was like, “Ah, damn it. I like it.”

What do you think Neil responded to?

It’s a fine line: How vulnerable do you want to be? Abby is not written to be very vulnerable, but you have to find that in the character. I think that’s what Neil was drawn to in mythe audition.

What scene did you audition with?

It was the scene where Joel has been captured. It was funny, because I got the sides, and, you know, it’s all secret, hush-hush. All the names had been changed, and in the audition scene, there were just two people, and the man was injured and on the floor. But I was reading it, and I’m like… “Is this Joel?” So I called [Joel actor Troy Baker], because we hang out all the time, and I had him read the sides with me.

When did you actually find out that this was how The Last of Us Part II would begin? That this act of violence would be central to Abby’s story, and the journey the player is going to go on?

I knew very quickly that’s what her character was going, but it shifted a lot. After I was cast, Neil was still finishing the story. I had several meetings with him where we would say, “This is what the story is going to be.” And then the next time I would see him, it’d be like, “Just kidding! We’re changing that up and now you’re going to be doing this.” Up until we were filming, some things got shifted.

Were you and Ashley Johnson swapping notes?

It was interesting, because when we were filming, Ashley’s story and my story were filmed in completely different shots. So I never knew the stuff that she was doing until our scenes intersected. Getting to play the game through and see everything that she had been doing — and then play the moments where our stories met — it was so moving.

What was it like actually filming the scene where Abby kills Joel?

It was a really hard day. On multiple levels. We shot that scene in one take, so everything — him entering the room, everything that happens, up until the moment — was one take. That’s a lot of moving parts, because there are so many people in the scene. It had to be very, very technical, but everybody had to be completely dialed in. The emotions need to run high, and then it still has to be controlled.

And you’re playing a character who’s doing something so horrible to characters who are being played by some of your best friends.

I remember, on that day, looking in Troy’s eyes as we were doing that scene. It’s a memory I’ll never forget. And the hardest part of it was when Ashley would enter the scene. I was completely focused on Troy, and from behind me, all I could hear was Ashley’s wracking sobs. I knew the camera was going to be filming from behind me, so I was just sobbing, because of the emotions of the scene. Knowing what I had just done, and taken away from her.

Obviously all of you knew what a shocking moment this was going to be for The Last of Us fans — but what was the difference between the backlash you anticipated, and the backlash you experienced?

I knew it was going to be intense. I knew it was going to be controversial. But I was still so excited to share it with the world, because I poured so much into that performance, and I was really proud of it. So to get that reaction right away was really tough. I don’t think anybody predicted what the fallout would be from it. I was not prepared. But I don’t think anybody on the team was.

Why do you think the backlash was so intense?

I think it was just a perfect storm, you know? The timing of the release was right when COVID hit, and everybody was trapped inside, and just looking for something to be angry about. So many people had so much anger about the situation that they were in. And then [Joel’s death] got leaked, so the buildup of the story — the way it was supposed to be revealed, and the resolution of it, if you can call it a resolution… it wasn’t there for people. All they got was the violence, and none of the story. So I think that hatred just grew and grew and grew until the game was out, and then it just exploded.

Do you think the reaction would have been different if players had experienced Joel’s death as intended, while playing the game, and not out of context, months in advance?

I don’t think it would have been as extreme. I think that there obviously would have been people who were very upset by it. I mean, Joel is loved. Adored. People identify with him, you know? He’s so important to so many people, and to have that ripped away from you, as violently as it is in the game… it needs to be that violent, I think. It’s traumatizing.

But had there been the ability to continue with the story, see all of the perspectives, and find the resolution that Ellie (kind of) gets. I think that would have helped the processing of it. I do know that I still stand by that performance, and I still stand by that game, 100 percent. I think it was what it needed to be.

To me, part of what’s frustrating about the backlash is that making players so enraged at Joel’s death is clearly the intended effect. But The Last of Us Part II’s story goes on for many more hours, and some players — even those who played the whole game — just seemed to stop, emotionally, at ‘She killed Joel!’

The amount of people who only get to ‘I hate Abby’… that’s what Ellie is going through as well. One of the things that was most moving to me, when I played through the game, was how awful it feels to be Ellie in the game, and to see her descent into madness, basically.

And then you switch over to Abby, and you just want to hate her so much. And you do! You start out hating that character so much. But as her story goes along, and you see her clawing her way up out of the darkness and trying to find her way into the light, she grows on you. And then you don’t know what to think anymore when [Ellie and Abby] have to fight at the end. You just want to put your controller down. And that is the point of it, right? To realize: Stop. There’s no good that comes out of the continuing cycle of violence.

What was it like actually filming such a brutal fight scene?

Oh, that was intense. Physical. In the moment when Ashley is holding me down under the water and strangling me, I made a choice that I wasn’t going to breathe until Abby came out of the water. She had her hands on my throat, and I wasn’t breathing, and I’m going, oh, my God, this is going on for so long. I’m going to die. And Ashley said, as we finished it, that she looked down and saw my lips were blue. And then I got up, and she let go of my throat, and I sat up, and I couldn’t force myself to breathe in. It was like my body was unable to breathe in right away.

Does it feel, nearly five years after the game’s release, like the backlash has finally died down?

It has definitely calmed down. There’s definitely still a contingent of people that have not calmed down from it. You know, anytime anything gets posted about [The Last of Us Part II], or anytime I post anything random, there’s going to be at least one comment from somebody.

And I honestly don’t know: Is it just the same hundred people that keep commenting? And they just won’t let go? It’s one of the reasons I don’t really post on social media anymore. I don’t want to say I was scared away from it, because I don’t think that’s what it was. It just kind of made me more guarded, you know?

Have you experienced the opposite as well? People who love Abby and appreciate The Last of Us Part II and your performance?

You know, we just did this live show this past weekend for Critical Role. Afterwards, we did a meet-and-greet with a lot of fans, and so many people came up because of The Last of Us. And it was wonderful to get to see people coming dressed as Abby, and saying how much that character has changed their lives.

I didn’t expect that when all of this happened. I didn’t expect to be in a place where I would get to meet people that loved her story. It is so rare to get to play, and embody, and collaborate on a character like Abby. It is a gift to get to work on something like that, and I’m so proud and grateful.